The Unlikeable Lawyer
Or, I'm OK, You're a Prick.
No post yesterday because I was at a required full day seminar entitled "The Likeable Lawyer". It would take more than one day to make most attorneys even remotely tolerable, so the program seemed overly ambitious. It was mostly a waste of time, but I didn't have to go to the office, so that was good. Dad was there in spirit. I was at a table of four women and two men. We needed to split into two groups of three for role-playing. One of the guys said, "Let's do girl-boy-girl for each group." One of the women said, "You mean women." Guy: "I said boy, too." There was an embarrassing incident when I hugged, cried, and wailed "I miss you Daddy!" Luckily, this was perceived as evidence that I was opening up and embracing my emotions. I was also embracing a stranger, so I returned to my seat.
The best thing about this seminar has been the reactions of everyone I tell about it. One of the secretaries came into my office this morning and stared at me quizzically.
Secretary: Something's different.
MJS: Are you messing with me at 730 in the morning?
S: It's your personality...it's sparkling!
MJS: I'll sparkle you!
All the staff proceeded to gather in my office to honk with laughter about the course. Thank God they're here or I would be on the roof with a shaved head and a gun. Note to law enforcement: ha ha. That is an example of the light-hearted humor I enjoy!
Things I learned at the seminar that were brand-new information, by virtue of the fact that the instructor made them up:
1) The book The Tipping Point was written by Malcolm Caldwell.
2) The conflict in the Middle East started in 1947.
3) If the Israelis and the Palestinians acknowledged one another's needs, they could resolve said conflict in about half an hour.
4) The American Revolution got started successfully because Paul Revere was such a swell guy. No word on whether the war was necessary or just the result of the British and their colonists failing to recognize one another's needs.
5) 95% of Americans are clinically narcissistic or have borderline personality disorder.
6) Bill Clinton is an ideal model of the behaviors this course was designed to teach.
At #6, I had officially checked out. My Pretend Dad said, "I do not view him as a role model." Another lady at the table agreed, suggesting that the instructor use different examples when in Fort Collins, Colorado. After that the instructor told a long winded story about a lawyer he knew who was a right-wing maniac, who met Clinton and got a picture with him, in which the normally stern lawyer was "blushing like a schoolgirl". Now openly mutinous, I volunteered that the blushing could be because he was mortified to have the encounter captured on film. All the other conservatives laughed. The lady who didn't want to be referred to as girl was getting increasing glare-y as things spiraled out of control.
I could go on, and probably will as the flashbacks start to come. So how did this post make you feel? Please share!
(Was that likeable or needy? If the instructor hadn't gotten that restraining order, I could ask him. How can I work on my intimacy issues from 500 feet away?)
No post yesterday because I was at a required full day seminar entitled "The Likeable Lawyer". It would take more than one day to make most attorneys even remotely tolerable, so the program seemed overly ambitious. It was mostly a waste of time, but I didn't have to go to the office, so that was good. Dad was there in spirit. I was at a table of four women and two men. We needed to split into two groups of three for role-playing. One of the guys said, "Let's do girl-boy-girl for each group." One of the women said, "You mean women." Guy: "I said boy, too." There was an embarrassing incident when I hugged, cried, and wailed "I miss you Daddy!" Luckily, this was perceived as evidence that I was opening up and embracing my emotions. I was also embracing a stranger, so I returned to my seat.
The best thing about this seminar has been the reactions of everyone I tell about it. One of the secretaries came into my office this morning and stared at me quizzically.
Secretary: Something's different.
MJS: Are you messing with me at 730 in the morning?
S: It's your personality...it's sparkling!
MJS: I'll sparkle you!
All the staff proceeded to gather in my office to honk with laughter about the course. Thank God they're here or I would be on the roof with a shaved head and a gun. Note to law enforcement: ha ha. That is an example of the light-hearted humor I enjoy!
Things I learned at the seminar that were brand-new information, by virtue of the fact that the instructor made them up:
1) The book The Tipping Point was written by Malcolm Caldwell.
2) The conflict in the Middle East started in 1947.
3) If the Israelis and the Palestinians acknowledged one another's needs, they could resolve said conflict in about half an hour.
4) The American Revolution got started successfully because Paul Revere was such a swell guy. No word on whether the war was necessary or just the result of the British and their colonists failing to recognize one another's needs.
5) 95% of Americans are clinically narcissistic or have borderline personality disorder.
6) Bill Clinton is an ideal model of the behaviors this course was designed to teach.
At #6, I had officially checked out. My Pretend Dad said, "I do not view him as a role model." Another lady at the table agreed, suggesting that the instructor use different examples when in Fort Collins, Colorado. After that the instructor told a long winded story about a lawyer he knew who was a right-wing maniac, who met Clinton and got a picture with him, in which the normally stern lawyer was "blushing like a schoolgirl". Now openly mutinous, I volunteered that the blushing could be because he was mortified to have the encounter captured on film. All the other conservatives laughed. The lady who didn't want to be referred to as girl was getting increasing glare-y as things spiraled out of control.
I could go on, and probably will as the flashbacks start to come. So how did this post make you feel? Please share!
(Was that likeable or needy? If the instructor hadn't gotten that restraining order, I could ask him. How can I work on my intimacy issues from 500 feet away?)
posted by Maureen at
3:28 PM
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