Department of Revenue
So I went to a hearing this morning at the Motor Vehicle Division of the Department of Revenue, aka the DMV (for the East Coasters). My client never showed, so I had plenty of time to laff it up with the hearings officer (sample dialogue: "I make the sign of the cross to ward off all lawyers, not just you!" "Yeah, right. No one loves us, we never get invited to dinner parties." "You have your own dinner parties with your own kind." "Because no one else will socialize with us!").
I also had time to poke around the lottery office, located in the same office suite. That's when I discovered I was days away from immense personal wealth. I just thought I'd let you know now, so you won't have to wait for the E! True Hollywood Story. The Powerball jackpot is up to $290 million. I will win on Saturday. One of the girls at work adorably said that she thought that was too much money for her. She won't need to worry about that, because I'm going to win. I haven't gone so far as to purchase tickets, but I have devoted nearly thirty minutes to elaborate daydreams about how I intend to spend the money.
Step one: celebrate, parties, travels, gifts, excitement, extravagant purchases, hiring of individuals to perform such functions as reminding passer-by not to make eye contact with me
Step two: tragic downfall as in Behind the Music, including stay in hospital for exhaustion, and public denial that exhaustion is a synonym for cocaine problem
Step three: redemption, cover of People, realization that traveling staff of 45 may have been excessive, reluctantly fire personal banana peeler
Hmmm....maybe my new found imaginary wealth is causing more trouble than it's worth.
Yeah right! Catch you on Saturday, bitches!
I also had time to poke around the lottery office, located in the same office suite. That's when I discovered I was days away from immense personal wealth. I just thought I'd let you know now, so you won't have to wait for the E! True Hollywood Story. The Powerball jackpot is up to $290 million. I will win on Saturday. One of the girls at work adorably said that she thought that was too much money for her. She won't need to worry about that, because I'm going to win. I haven't gone so far as to purchase tickets, but I have devoted nearly thirty minutes to elaborate daydreams about how I intend to spend the money.
Step one: celebrate, parties, travels, gifts, excitement, extravagant purchases, hiring of individuals to perform such functions as reminding passer-by not to make eye contact with me
Step two: tragic downfall as in Behind the Music, including stay in hospital for exhaustion, and public denial that exhaustion is a synonym for cocaine problem
Step three: redemption, cover of People, realization that traveling staff of 45 may have been excessive, reluctantly fire personal banana peeler
Hmmm....maybe my new found imaginary wealth is causing more trouble than it's worth.
Yeah right! Catch you on Saturday, bitches!
posted by Maureen at
12:53 PM
2 Comments:
It wasn't the banana peeler that was excessive. It was the guy you hired to slip and fall on those banana peels, because it never stops being funny. I mean, his insurance alone...
By
Justin, at 1:29 PM
I actually consolidated his job with my juicer and my orange-starter. Basically, all fruit-based tasks have been consolidated into one department.
By
Maureen, at 2:19 PM
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