Seriously, you guys
I am the reason remote controls were invented for the television. I am the reason the scan button is on the car radio. I am capable of flipping back and forth between five programs at a time, sort of vaguely watching all of them enough to pick up the highlights.
All this by way of saying that when I tell you I watched a show on CMT about the selection of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleading squad, I could not have known how great it would be. I was just doing my usual 30 channels in 30 seconds routine, when I was stopped dead by a stack of blond hair and a Botoxed forehead crying and declaring, "Ah believe God put this in mah heart." Of course I stopped. Here was an alien race of women, some of whom sincerely believed that the Lord Almighty told them to become Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. Think about that for a moment.
Are you done? Okay, I'll wait.
The program was spectacular. From the open auditions (including some unfortunate souls who must have wandered in from the free clinic) to the sisterhood-building retreat to the director of the squad asking a girl to name one current event and being met with a completely blank stare, it is delicious. Not for nothing, but we are currently involved in a war event, so the absolute look of terror the question inspired was especially priceless. No one is asking these gals for their opinions on regulation of the pharmaceutical industry or the Supreme Court vacancies. Name any current event. Anything at all. That is a event. Occuring at this time. No? All righty.
The director lady is made of evil, which makes her even more wonderful. She tells the "fat girls" who have any evidence on their bodies that they've ever eaten, to lose weight immediately - she doesn't care how. She cuts girls from the team with mechanical precision, and is either totally unmoved by any display of emotion from the girls, or her dermatologist has made sure that her face is no longer capable of such displays.
I give this program four pom-poms out of five. It did lose one pom-pom because this should have been a full reality series in the grand tradition of America's Next Top Model. I want a full season of bulimia, sucking up to the judges, and terrible dancing. I want to learn what possible motivation some of the people at the open audition had for being there. Was it on a dare? Was it they mama's dying wish? Was God involved? So many questions...
All this by way of saying that when I tell you I watched a show on CMT about the selection of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleading squad, I could not have known how great it would be. I was just doing my usual 30 channels in 30 seconds routine, when I was stopped dead by a stack of blond hair and a Botoxed forehead crying and declaring, "Ah believe God put this in mah heart." Of course I stopped. Here was an alien race of women, some of whom sincerely believed that the Lord Almighty told them to become Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. Think about that for a moment.
Are you done? Okay, I'll wait.
The program was spectacular. From the open auditions (including some unfortunate souls who must have wandered in from the free clinic) to the sisterhood-building retreat to the director of the squad asking a girl to name one current event and being met with a completely blank stare, it is delicious. Not for nothing, but we are currently involved in a war event, so the absolute look of terror the question inspired was especially priceless. No one is asking these gals for their opinions on regulation of the pharmaceutical industry or the Supreme Court vacancies. Name any current event. Anything at all. That is a event. Occuring at this time. No? All righty.
The director lady is made of evil, which makes her even more wonderful. She tells the "fat girls" who have any evidence on their bodies that they've ever eaten, to lose weight immediately - she doesn't care how. She cuts girls from the team with mechanical precision, and is either totally unmoved by any display of emotion from the girls, or her dermatologist has made sure that her face is no longer capable of such displays.
I give this program four pom-poms out of five. It did lose one pom-pom because this should have been a full reality series in the grand tradition of America's Next Top Model. I want a full season of bulimia, sucking up to the judges, and terrible dancing. I want to learn what possible motivation some of the people at the open audition had for being there. Was it on a dare? Was it they mama's dying wish? Was God involved? So many questions...
posted by Maureen at
4:46 PM
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