A few words of advice

Tim McGraw - you are lovely to look at, and typically don't intrude on my world. I don't care how much money Monday Night Football is paying you - if I hear that godforsaken "I Like It, I Love It" song one more time, someone's getting hurt. It's Wednesday, and still it haunts me.

Joss Stone - put some shoes on your giant hippy feet. I am not playing with you.

Whole Foods shoppers - other people really do exist. I can't expect you to change your behavior based upon that information, but I felt it necessary to share.

Barbara Walters - you and I have very different views on what makes a person "fascinating".

Opposing party in collection case - it was not necessary to prove to me that you had recently undergone surgery. I took your word for it prior to you pulling your shirt up to show me a fresh, oozing wound. By the way, Neosporin is available over the counter. Look into it.

Court-appointed client - I respectfully suggest you and your wife take a break from one another. She shouldn't have stabbed you in the neck, even if it was out of love.

Is now the time I start missing my job?